Just noticed I need to change the title of my blog. Because, as of last Wednesday, it is no longer just about Hailey. Our sweet little boy, Caleb Ross Bockholt, was born July 17th, 2013 at 3:23 pm. 8 pounds 2 ounces, 21 1/2 inches long. He is absolutely beautiful. We love him so much already. But, at just one week old, Caleb has already had a very rough life. And that is why I am writing this. So many loving family and friends want to know what is going on, and frankly, I am in no emotional, mental, or physical state to talk to everyone. No offense to anyone, but this has been the most difficult week of my life.
To be honest, this won't be the most detailed post because I can honestly say that so much has happened, and I have heard so many medical terms and jargon that I can't keep it all straight. But I will do my best to let you know what is happening.
Shortly after Caleb was born, we noticed he was making a lot of grunting noises, and was extremely sleepy. We tried to get him to eat, but he was not interested at all. Would not even open his mouth at all. Shortly after we moved up to the recovery room, the nurse took him to the nursery to keep an eye on him. This was when he was 2 hours old. That was the last I got to hold my sweet boy. He was taken to the nursery, bathed, and within a few hours, his oxygen level was getting a little low, so they told me they had to keep him in the nursery until it was back up. By 10:30 pm, they came in and told me that the NICU doctors had come up to check him out, and immediately took him down to the NICU. He wasn't breathing on his own. Blaine and I tossed and turned for a few hours, sleeplessly I might add, then went down to find out what was going on. After scrubbing down, Blaine wheeled me in there and my heart sunk. Here was our tiny baby, hooked up to wires and IVs and all sorts of monitors. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. And we both lost it. He was struggling breathing, there was talk of maybe having to put him on a ventilator. He was very, very sick. Let the tears begin. Blaine and a friend in our ward gave Caleb a blessing that morning. Because only 2 people could be in the NICU at a time, I did not get to hear the blessing. Blaine told me that Caleb was promised that he would fully recover, that he was being watched over and was in the Lord's hands. I don't know what I would do without the gospel and the power of the Priesthood in our lives. This blessing gave us so much comfort. We knew that as scary as things were, it would be ok.
His doctor that day told us that in these situations, things usually get worse before they get better. And they did. The first 48 hours of his life were terrifying. He was put on a ventilator that was breathing for him, he had IVs and an arterial line coming out of his belly button, all sorts of wires measuring all sorts of things. In those first 2 days Caleb had a few small seizures. They had no idea why. Caleb had a pneumothorax, which is a small hole in his lungs where air escapes into the lining. Part of his lung was collapsed. They also worried he had some sort of lung infection. They had to sedate him. We spent hours back and forth in the NICU, and it seemed that every time we went back, something else was wrong. They really wouldn't even let us touch him. We tried to have faith, remembering the words of his blessing. I also received a blessing promising me that he would be ok, that we would be able to take him home eventually, and that the doctors were being guided in his care. And they were. We had so many wonderful doctors and nurses who were dedicated, and still are, to giving him the best care possible. \
Friday night I was discharged from the hospital, my recovery has been really good thankfully. It was so hard to go home that night, leaving my sweet Caleb at the hospital. To not be with him. I cried all night long. My mom has been with us since the day he was born, and had brought a blanket for him. I have been clutching that blanket since he went into the NICU. I feel like its the closest thing I have to holding him.
Since being home, we have been trying to get to the hospital about 3 times a day for a few hours each time. Saturday, he seemed to be doing a little better. The nurse even let me take his temperature and change his diaper. I have never been more excited to change a poopy diaper. They started giving him some breastmilk through a tube that went down his throat straight to his stomach. With each x-ray they took, his lungs were looking better little by little. They found that his blood calcium was low, so they put him on a drip. Since that and putting him on phenobarbital, he hasn't had a seizure since Friday. They had a cardiologist come and do an ultrasound on his heart. They also had someone come and do a cranial ultrasound, and everything looks good with his brain. There is no apparent bleeding.
Each day they have been able to turn the ventilator down a little, and each x-ray has shown his chest looking better. Sunday Blaine and I were told that Caleb's pneumothorax was gone, it had completely healed itself. The doctors told us that we had gotten through the worst of things. They had taken his IVs out, he was off of the antibiotics because his tests showed that he had no lung infections. Finally some good news!! He is down to the ventilator, his arterial line, and a feeding tube, nothing else is stuck in his little body (plus all the wires for checking his vitals). Blaine even got to change his diaper :)
Monday we went in and found what looked like 40 wires glued to his head... my heart sunk, worrying we had a set back. Turns out he was having an EEG, to check his brain activity and see if we could figure out why he was having seizures for sure. We had been told a few days ago he would have one, just didn't know if was happening today. It was hard because we would not be allowed to touch him for a few hours (our touch is limited to holding his hand). That evening, we met with the neurologist to find out what his findings were with the EEG. He said that everything looks good, there is a little bit of activity that is high, so they are going to give him a CT scan tomorrow just to check. Then, we ended up staying at the hospital until almost 3 am, because the nurse told me she was going to let me hold him!!! It was the best news of the week, finally getting to hold my baby... and it was glorious. They gave us some skin to skin time, and I spent hours just snuggling that boy as close as I could get him. It was so hard to finally leave, but this is such a huge step.
Tuesday morning when we walked into the NICU, we found another wonderful surprise... Caleb is off the ventilator! Its so exciting to actually see his cute little face without giant tubes sticking out of his mouth and his face covered in tape. He is so beautiful, with big chubby cheeks and long eyelashes. I got the chance to hold him on two different visits that day. Blaine also got to hold him for the first time! It was so awesome. They also upped his feedings, and they even gave him a bottle last night, which is gulped down like a champ. That was a good sign, because they told us that besides all the other parameters he has to meet, he has to aggressively eat 2 ounces every 4 hours before he can go home, so one little step closer! Caleb also got to go on a trip through the hospital to have his CT scan. The doctor told us it came back normal, but the neurologist will be looking at it a little closer to make sure everything is good.
And here we are today, Wednesday. One week after I gave birth to that handsome little man. Haven't been down to see him yet this morning, but grandma is down there right now to keep him company. We still have no idea on a timeline on when he may be able to come home, but we know we have made a lot of baby steps that are bringing us closer to that day. We will continue to look forward with faith, knowing that Caleb is in the Lord's hands and will be coming home with us soon. I can hardly wait for that day!
I also want to make sure I show my gratitude to all of you. We have had so many family members and friends praying for our family, fasting in Caleb's behalf, and offering help in any way they can. We are so appreciative of our ward family, for the meals that have been brought in and for babysitting Hailey so that we can rotate our shifts at the hospital. We know it is through everyone's faith and prayers that Caleb is recovering so well. I don't know what we would do without the gospel in our lives, the knowledge that our family is forever, and the power of the priesthood. We feel so much love and support. Thank you so much for everything you have done and continue to do. We will keep everyone posted on the remainder of this little journey.
